A Celebration of Dayshawn

I remember the admissions conversation.  A student was returning and joining our alternative program. He was known to be “aggressive and dangerous”. 

I remember the first week of school.  Sitting in an assembly and he promptly got up and walked out.  I was standing in the doorway and stepped out to ask him where he was going.  He knocked me out of his way and continued past. Challenge accepted.

I have always loved the kids that others are frustrated by.  The one that interrupts every 30 seconds.  The one that gets in fights.  The one who skips class.  The one that is “disrespectful”.  Behavior is not personal; it is a response.  All behavior has a function, and it is not to ruin our day.  I love figuring out the function. The why of it all.  

I also love disproving the narrative. I get immense joy from finding what works for students and helping them discover their way to happiness and success, on their terms. 

Dayshawn was one of those students. I was determined to connect with him.  It took months.  He tried many things to push me away, to see if he could trust me, and to ultimately determine if I was in his corner. Kids, especially kids who have been let down by adults in their lives, take a lot of time to build trust.  Many of the kids I have worked with would try various tactics to push me away, or to see if I would give up on them. Dayshawn was one of those kids.

A turning point was when Dayshawn was suspended from school for a fight. He was eligible for three hours a week of “homebound” services.  These services through the public school system allowed an assigned teacher to work with him three hours a week at his home. I was his homebound teacher.  I went to his house, sat on his porch, and worked with him on his school assignments.  I partnered with Open Doors of Asheville which provided additional tutoring and support for vulnerable students in high school to increase their chances of graduating. I spent the next year supporting Dayshawn in school and tutoring him through Open Doors outside of school.  Over this time, I built trust and connection with his family and his community. 
I supported Dayshawn with a court case, in partnership with an amazing public defender who did her very best to ensure he got the support he needed. I was all in, fully committed to being sure Dayshawn not only graduated, but was in a healthier mental and emotional space to be able to hold a job, and be a great father to his children. 

This will be one of many blogs about Dayshawn.  The interconnectedness of his story, with so many others, is something profound. But this specific blog is a tribute to him. Dayshawn overcame.  He fought.  He worked hard. He persevered.  Dayshawn evolved.  He grew.  He disproved the narrative. He graduated.  He held a job.  He was a committed partner.  He was a contributing member of society. Dayshawn was a success story.

I start my workshops on behavior with Dayshawn’s story. After Dayshawn graduated, he called me and told me he had a gift for me.  It was my sweet little dog, Lucky.  Anyone who knows Lucky knows what an absolute joy he is.  He’s such a good, fun, precious little being that has brought so much love to my life. I’ve always felt the universe gave me Lucky as a reminder of the importance of the work I did with Dayshawn.  So I start my workshops with a photo of Lucky, and then I tell Dayshawn’s story.  I told it just last month. 

Dayshawn passed away a few weeks ago.  His passing has caused me such immense hurt, and also reflection.  That is for another post.  This post is to celebrate Dayshawn, and all he overcame.  To celebrate the man he became, against all odds.  

It’s to remind us all that we do the work, even when the story changes.  The work with Dayshawn, was worth it. While I am so broken to know he is gone from this world, I am so proud of the man he became.  Dayshawn, thank you for teaching me so much.

Open Doors of Asheville is a non profit organization supporting vulnerable youth in Asheville, NC. https://opendoorsasheville.org/

The photo below is with another student and my grandmother.